Friday, 8 July 2011

Sofia vs Lucas part 1

I had dinner out last night. In a proper restaurant. With a friend. Without kids. For the first time in months. I should be feeling happy and refreshed and recharged etc. I don't.

My cup is empty. I'm too tired at night to be writing and connecting with people properly. I don't know anymore what to do when I manage to get Me time, I feel like I lost some of Me. During the day I get continuously interrupted. Yes, I am aware that's part of the job description, but today I sent Dan a few desperate/letting steam out SMSs and I finally admitted to myself that no, I am not coping.

This is of course fully dependent on my kids' personalities.

So if you will bear, here's a two part story about my kids. It'll be in two parts because I don't have enough time now... Hopefully I can finish part 2 tonight when the kids are asleep.

Disclaimer: no photo has been added to prove a point, I just chose cute ones for the sake of cuteness ;)

Part one - Sofia

I had no idea about the demands of motherhood. I was not clucky before having kids, I had never even held a baby. But the second Sofia was born I knew what I wanted to do.

4 hours old
I wanted to be there for her, protect her, help her become the best person she possibly can. I had no idea how to do it, like many firstborns I guess she was the "trial and error" child... Particularly with the advice from the media and "professionals" that didn't sit right with me, some stories from mothers' group that just left me feeling alienated, conflicting theories and so on. It wasn't until I read "The Baby Book" (William and Martha Sears) that I had my feelings validated and I finally knew what I was doing; I then continued with their "The Good Behaviour Book" and finally knew how to do it.

I've never really been very open with the other mothers' from the "shoved together by the council nurse" group; truth is, it wasn't only because of the very different ideologies that I felt I couldn't talk, but I had to hold back many comments and stories because I didn't want to look like the "I want to punch you in the face" smug parent.

And here's why I couldn't really share stories: I had an easy baby.
When the others were complaining about the sleepless nights, the crying, the teeth, etc etc, I could only nod and try to be empathetic. I would never share stories of "this is how I do it" unless I was asked. And probably even then I might've sounded smug.

In a nutshell, the first 3 weeks with Sofia (Sosi) were tough. It took a while the get breastfeeding down pat and there was some formula top up involved too (and consequent colic) because of my cracked and bleeding left nipple and my inability to express a decent amount of milk. When I healed, and we ditched the little top ups, and she didn't get a sore tummy that required us constantly holding her in a semi-vertical position at night, things got easy.

almost 1 month old

I devoted every second of my day to her and managed to understand all her signals. The two of us are just very similar, we just got in tune from very early.
She was a smart baby who was alert from very little, had good head control at 2 months and was interested in the world, was sociable, was a very efficient powerfeeder (10 minutes then wouldn't be hungry for 3 hours, which meant planned outings were easy etc), was happy to take expressed milk from a bottle and to be babysat by the grandparents, I could go on.

2 1/2 months talking to Daddy

She would on average cry once every 3 or 4 weeks. I am not kidding you. She made a "lehm" sound when she needed milk (which then progressed to mem then meh-meh then mama) but no crying, I had to figure out when she had a dirty nappy because she wasn't fussed about it at all.

And teething? A few tears when every tooth couple pierced through the gums and that was it. No redness, no prolonged irritability, she would wake at night, have an extra feed of mummy milk and she was happy after that, sometimes I didn't even know there were teeth coming out until I noticed extra pearly whites in her mouth. No need for Bonjela or amber necklaces or Panadol etc.

almost 9 months
Immunisations? (Yes I am aware this is a controversial topic; both kids are on delayed immunisations but that'a a topic for another day) Except for the first 2 lots of immunisations, she would cry a little after the injection but she was so interested in the world that distracting her was easy and she'd stop crying and forget about the pain within seconds. No fever, no other side effects etc.

So, had you been in my mothers' group and heard these things, wouldn't you have just hated me?

I guess I was a bit smug, the whole AP thing was working well for me, the breastfeeding on demand, the co-sleeping, long snoozes in the day etc.

Karma must've thought I had it too easy with Sofia. Enter Lucas...

See you later for part 2...

1 comment:

  1. Looking forward to Part 2. Perhaps I'll comment fully then.. but must say that I'm enjoying hearing your journey and also looking at cute pics. I'm so sorry your cup feels empty at the moment. I hope you can feel recharged soon. :)